Transformational Healing Coaching with Pam Wood
"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."―Joe Klaas
Hello, I’m Pam Wood [DipEd, CertECBS, ACBF, CMBC, RHFP]
Nice to meet you!
I’m an accredited and experienced
Intuitive Transformational Life Coach,
Talk Therapist and Mind/Body Practitioner
Intuitive Counselling Course
Note from author: Ada-Mae is a fictional character and is not based on any real person.
We meet Ada-Mae, an upwardly mobile, somewhat close-minded, single, fashionista, wanna-be and because she doesn’t know who she is, wanna-being like anyone in the celebrity spotlight is a far safer bet to her trying to being like them than risking being herself for so flawed does she feel. So, she-who-seems-so-fickle-at-first-glance, is so fickle on deeper scrutiny and is best taken at face-value. As she is hell bent on joining whatever the current trends are so as not to get left behind in the wrong scene, it’s pretty obvious her pursuit of deeper meaning of her life is at best, the latest surface trend.
The trend we’re interested in looking into is a snapshot of her hedonistic attempts at a spiritual life. She’s no clue how to approach an encounter with her own intuitive higher self but she’s read somewhere in a glossy magazine that that is what she should be doing to reach her nirvana! So let’s see how she goes…
HS - Higher Self
A-M - Ada-Mae
A-M: Thought for the day: I feel pretty empty but I don’t know how to fill myself up with me like my therapist keeps telling me I have to do, so I’ll just order two pizza Quattro Stagione, a pint of Cheeky Monkey ice cream and a huge, share (that’s not going to happen) bag of Minstrels - that should keep the wolves at bay. The only problem is when I get going, my god I can’t stop! The wolves are never at bay, real or imagined; It’s pure greed for everything when I’m on one. Even my shadow gets fat!
So this weekend’s psycho-trigger was when I went out for the first time in ages and felt everything and everybody looking at me, their judging, critical eye all over me. Bad frigging energy from the outside looking in and it made me feel less than, again.
Didn’t want to be there, felt uncomfortable and left after a couple of hours and was I glad to get out of there but not before the energies had gotten hold and boy were they dark.
So, yeah I took to food as usual to squash the feelings that were swamping me and got a gippy tummy, was on the loo most of the night and no, I didn’t sleep well and no, I don’t know what made me feel like shit!
Next day happy to be at my friend’s place, felt welcome, seen, understood and slept very well. That’s always a good sign. Also the wine helped - a lot.
Glad to be on my way home now though, an hour away!! My god, what’s the matter with me, they don’t let me out often and I’m beginning to see why. I hate being out with the great unwashed and I’m clearly unstable and not of sound mind. I hate myself when I get like this! No, really, I hate myself like this!
I’m not interested in people’s real lives! Woah! here the hell did that little gem come from? I take it all to heart and on board to be fixed by me! I take it all on. I want to save them. I want to save the world but I can’t go on doing that any more. I try to save those who are near to me. But point in fact, I need saving, from myself. Save me!
HS: You don’t have to you know. Save them, that is.You do know that you don’t need to, don’t you? You don’t need to do it to be loved or to have approval. Well, clearly you do need to do it and no, you’re not aware that you do it for approval, because it’s exactly what you do do.
You are a chameleon adjusting to be whatever it is you’ve recognised people need or want - you are it for them. To get them to love you.
A-M: OMG! Who the fuck are you? I’m hearing frigging voices in my head now. I’ve definitely lost it. Oh wait, my therapist said if I asked, then my higher self would give me the answers I was looking for. And you just did! But what if I don’t like the frigging answers, then what? Well, I can just ignore them can’t I? Anyway, how do I know you’ve got it right if I can’t get it right & you’re me anyway. Right? So, here’s one for you - I want to be me and I know I need to give myself back to me but I feel I don’t know who that is right now. There’s a dirt great empty frigging hole inside of me that needs endless filling in, filling up and there’s not enough of anything that will do the job! I AM FUCKED!
But I do know I want to stop the chameleon, the charade part of my ego personality without throwing out the caring part of me completely. Those are the right terms, right? My therapist said they were but I haven’t quite got my head round them yet.
HS: Well, then its about you re-learning to be you without carrying all the sentimentality shit you got going on!
“One sweetly solemn thought
Comes to me o’er and o’er;
I am nearer home today
Than I ever was before”
A-M: No I’m not! I’m nowhere nearer the centre of me, of my home of me, at all. I
just like to think I am. Or obtusely, I like to think I’m not. I know what it is. I know what my problem is. I just don’t trust people. There. It’s their fault. They can’t be trusted.
HS: What the hell has that got to do with anything that we’re not talking about here?
A-M: Hear me out. I certainly don’t believe they could/would lift a finger to help me, not when it gets sticky, I don’t! And if I don’t trust them then they’re not trustworthy. Right? What? Why you looking at me like I’ve got 2 heads - a lying toad-head sitting on top of my head?
HS: Why are you not taking responsibility for your choice of friends in the first place?
A-M: Well, I didn’t know they couldn’t be trusted until it was too frigging late, the chips were down and they’d frigging legged it, did I? Conversely, it has to be said, I don’t trust me to be there for me either. And, I suppose you’ll tell me next, therein lies the rub. I know, duh! How about that for convoluted!
Men have let me down - my father, really. It’s one thing for it not to work out between him and my mother but he was still my father, he just chose not to be one; not to be a real part of my life - he let me down. Fuck it! What a dick head.
HS: So what, now you have to, yes, you’re compelled to, choose fucked-up men to repeat the uncomfortable, dysfunctional, habitual pattern of unrequited love?
You taught them how to treat you. Teach them a different way.
A-M: Oh shit, when you put it like that, I am fucked. Knowing it though, does not an evangelist, born-again make!
Though I don’t dwell on it, which is healthy of me really. But yeah, I can see it is definitively lurking there, defining me underneath. I guess I feel it very acutely when things go pear-shaped, turn to shit and I know I don’t really matter to my way of distorted, low self-esteemed thinking. I know I don’t really matter to him, whichever poor hapless man I’ve seduced into my neurotic life at the time and upon whose unsuspecting head I heap my unrealistic expectations of my 3-year old mind.
HS: So how about changing that crooked belief? You don’t have to believe what you were told from the distortions of another’s dystopian mind just because they seemed to be adults at the time of your birth.
A-M: I know. Actually, no, I don’t know. And that’s not true. What’s really true and really bothering me is that I don’t really matter to my long-suffering friends when I’ve got my tentacles out in their direction. They know they’re doomed to get an interminable ear-bashing and fall on their sword listening to my monologue of hurts, horrors and heartache, unless they’ve cleverly managed their fall-back Plan B of avoidance whenever they hear my whining voice increase in altitude and they unequivocally, slam down the phone immediately. I can excuse them that though because my blind spots and my expectations are gargantuan, insensitive and narcissistic and totally self-centred and I know that I’ll always get their attention if I go on long enough as I have to have what’s important to me and I can never have enough of their validity of my shit. I don’t dwell on it but it’s there.
HS: Yeah, you dwell on it like a broken record, like shit sticks to sugar.
A-M: Oh how gross! And how rude! No, I don’t dwell on it. I don’t dwell on it because it’s their loss. So I can disingenuously ignore the fact that they want to ignore me and play the blame game. Their fault not mine. Convenient huh? On the men front, I tell myself that my other men have hurt me and that’s letting me down big time. I cared about them, trusted them, let them in then they turned on me, violated me. I give someone my trust, my love and they break it. You said I should be looking at the part I play in this. Why would I want to do that other than to see the pain and I want to avoid pain at all costs?
HS: The part you play in attracting unrequited love is staring you in the face. You love to play The Martyr.You blame and shame and expect your needy, greedy love to be satisfied and love given to you freely. And when those unrealistic expectations aren’t met, you sulk and berate your lot as to how no one appreciates all you do for them. Now, why would someone feel safe giving you their love?
A-M: Because they should want to give me their love? Because I am a martyr. Because I’m loveable and because I deserve it? Oh I don’t know! I lead an open, energetic, satisfying life that’s kind of amazing and it takes spine and heart and that’s admirable. I don’t lean on others easily and that’s admirable. So, see, I’m an admirable kind of gal.
HS: Yeah you lean. You practically sit on them, squash the life out of them and wonder why they’re not breathing.
A-M: I do not! Ok well, a bit. Alright, a lot! So what should I do to get their love if not put on a bit of pressure?
HS: You have to let it get to the point where you could lean or not, where you should lean and you don’t. You need to realise you need to take care of yourself, make decisions, handle problems and yes, maybe take on other people’s problems to give back, to build up the confidence that feels shattered but remember, balance is the key word here. And to remain shattered or not is but a decision away and a choice. You are no longer shattered unless you want to keep immersed in the feeling of shattered. So, do you?
A-M: But, HS, I need to know I can take care of things when there’s no-one to depend on but myself. I don’t want to get involved again with someone who doesn’t give as much as me. And no, silly, of course I don’t want to keep feeling shattered. But I found out the hard way, if you do keep making the bad choices and end up frigging shattered, you also end up empty-handed and better at coping.
HS: So, can you? Cope? Cope with you, I mean? Coping with yourself is a far harder thing. Or are you too much for you? So, do you still want to give someone else the responsibility of you?
A-M: I’m thinking, I’m thinking…erm, will I get paid?
To be continued through your own story in my Intuitive Counselling Course.
Bring your ‘Rantings of your Beautiful Mind’ to the table, let’s unpick them, let’s get you in touch with your higher self, your intuitive process where the answers are waiting for you. And yeah, you might channel your Ada-Mae through your process; what fun!
- My Intuitive Counselling Course is designed to make all this as effortless as possible.
- My Intuitive Counselling Course facilitates and guides your system to lifting the veil of abandoning yourself to radically resetting your code and reclaiming yourself.
- My Intuitive Counselling Course is about becoming an energetic piece of fine tuning as you give and receive blessings to yourself and permission to say goodbye to old, limiting wounds and patterns and outdated paradigms for good.
- My Intuitive Counselling Course will show you your path to your inner peace that runs deep inside you. After 21 days of consistently applying the teachings, you'll discover an inner freedom that you didn't know was even possible. Let me tell you, it so is.
Jump on the link and book an introductory session with me to enquire further about your possibilities - they truly are magnificent and endless.
See you on the inside! Love & Blessings - Pam❣️
To book an introductory Intuitive Counselling Course, Talk Therapy Session with Pam contact: https://thegardenofdivineelements.co.uk